Again

Its been a while..

"Minimalism- the ability to simplify without losing any quality."

A lot of things have happened, 

a lot of things have changed.  

A lot of things are just the way they should be.

I SURVIVED COVID

I just couldn't believe of all people I was exposed to COVID. 

I guess that comes with the Job

*UPDATE* I Finished LPN school and I'm currently waiting to start RN school in January. 

*Insert Money Sound here *Ka-Ching*

Experiencing COVID

Allowed me to sit still with myself.  

Allowed me to reflect. 

Allowed me to plan. 

Allowed me to write. 

Allowed me to sit with my shit & truly feel it.

I felt like a bad mother cause I couldn't see or touch my son.

Felt bad about putting the people I love at risk. 

At times I felt lonely, I felt sad, I felt defeated. 

But Im thankful for the time, it was needed. 

So appreciative for the few people that I told that continuously checked in on me and offered all types of assistance. Im so thankful. All the love sent and felt through the phone.

I didn't tell everyone that I probably should've and only because I didn't want people to worry. 

New Adventure

Im living with every decision I have made.  Agreeable or not. My life, my choices.

Finally living in the truth of things. Regardless of how hard decisions are they still need to be made.

I don't agree with the way I handled a lot of things overtime. but Im learning and adjusting.

Hardest thing I ever had to do was right my wrongs. Putting action behind what I knew to be true. And I feel FREE. like really free, freer than I ever have.

This clip resonated so much with me. Because sometimes I feel like people do this to me. 

"Put their expectations of me on me." 

Then I start feeling like I have to appease everyone and do what will make others happy instead of me.

I want to live my life happily.. 

Happy in my wins, 

Happy in my successes,

Happy in my failures, 

Happy in my fuck ups

My good & Bad 

JUST HAPPY.  

We only get one life to live. Once I let that go and decided to stop allowing people to make me feel bad for the things that I have to walk through.  I had to learn how to stop caring about what the reaction would be on a choice Im making for me. I don't want to look back and say what I should've done. 

Im doing everything that feels right to my soul. 

Everything that sets me on fire.

Everything that makes me smile. 

Everything that makes me snort when I laugh. 

Everything that makes me cry. 

Everything that makes me happy.

What Now Brittany?

Im terrified, Im vunerable, Im not sure what to expect next.

I fuck up all the time. I don't always say the right things.

Im hard on myself, I self sabotage, Im emotional

I want all things to work out just the way I want them.

Thats the hard thing though having to accept that maybe they won't.

But I truly see no reason why I can't have everything I want & more.

I work so hard for things.  I set a goal and try my damnedest to reach it. 

I fight hard, I love hard, I put my all into the people&things that I feel are worth it. 

Did I mention how scared I am of it all?

It is so hard to feel as deeply as I do.

Its hard to feel everything & not always be heard or truly seen.

Im uncomfortable. 

But I keep reminding myself its so worth it. That Im so worth it all. 

Even the unknown.

High Risk, High Reward.

I won't always get it right.

But I can start with Trey

Showing him how to choose himself first

How to love unconditionally.

How to give genuinely & whole heartly 

How to show love and  truly receive it.

How to live in his truth the way Im just now starting to live in mine.

I can show him a happy me. A fulfilled me. 

I can provide him with a good life. 

My motivation is everything TREY.

Gentle Reminder of Gods Grace.

Living in the present time & enjoying it while it lasts.

-Brittany