Mental Note

"Let them judge you.

Let them misunderstand you. 

Let them gossip about you.

Their opinions aren't your problem.

You stay kind, committed to love, 

and free in your authenticity.

No matter what they do or say

don't you dare doubt your worth

or the beauty of your truth.

Just keep on shining like you do."

What is happening?

Oh, my...  how life can become a whirlwind. 

I went from an all time High, to an all time low.. 

and now i'm trying to balance, find good grounding. 

& Its hard, Very hard. Shit aint always sweet.

I look back at my old self and think..

My how mean she was

My how selfish she was

My how self-centered she was

How could she do the things she doing

My they are unforgivable..

She is not trustworthy

Shes so controlling.. 

Does she have any goals

Any plans for the future?

How impulsive she is

She is so sassy

So bossy..

I just didn't like me, at all!
I didn't realize I didn't like me, until thats all I was left with.

 All the good that people saw in me, I couldn't see. 

All the mistakes I've made, all these flaws I have. 

How could I be mistaken for good?

No way.

I had to erase the "I must not be good enough thoughts just because someone didn't choose me." Sometimes we feel as though people aren't choosing us, but sometimes our choices don't choose them. So they act accordingly.

There is a certain type of pain that doesn't hurt you but changes you so much it starts to hurt those around you. I've put myself in situations that I shouldn't' have been in. Dealt with things that were beneath me and who I am. I've said hurtful things, things I can't take back. I've done things I'm ashamed of.. Causing me to push away people that love me.

Life comes through and slaps you... Puts you in a position where you have to sit still, & learn to listen. I've been battling with being alone, not being lonely but being alone. At one point of my life, when I constantly had others around me, I wanted alone time. But now, since I have more alone time.. I struggle with it. I wished and hoped for space, and now I have it. Be careful what you ask for... You'll definitely receive it. 

"Every once in a while, life has got to hurt you to help you."

It allows you time to reflect on who you are, really look in the mirror. You'll start receiving the energy you've been putting out. Be sure to do good, be good.

I've learned to accept the reality of things, learning to let go. Those are two things I struggle with the most, reality is hard for me to deal with. Especially with being such an optimist. I had to learn what wasn't for me to find out what was. Learning what requires patience and what requires distance. Sometimes, somethings & habits.. have to come to an end in order to grow. I have a hard time setting boundaries. As Gab said
"Boundaries mean no, and no means people may no longer come back." 
I hate goodbyes, I hate the permanent result of No. 
I have a hard time with endings, with all things.
From Breakups, to departures, to deaths.. all things.


"If you place your faith in the past, the future will be like it"

I honestly don't know what life has in store for me. I am at a point where I'm not FORCING anything, just allowing things to flow. I've been planning out my life for so long, & shit just didn't go as planned. I feel like I've failed in so many areas. So these days I take life day by day.. Not thinking too far in advance. Not doing much planning, just more living in the moment. I do know its so much more to life than what I've experienced. So hopeful for the future, so optimistic on what it holds for me & Trey.. I just know its going to better from here.

MORE LIFE. 

I recently went on Vacation, 

& of course I took my 3 year old son.. 

What is a Vacation without him?? 

We went on a 7 day Cruise.. We ported out of New Orleans.

The joy I experienced just spending time with my son away from day to day life. I had absolutely no social media, I was tapped out from the world. 

WHICH WAS AMAZING. Not once did I think about what someone else was doing.. Or what was going on via social media. Not once was I concerned about nothing else but my Son... that bond, that time was everything. 

 

Costa Maya

 

 

Mahogany Bay

 
 

Belize

 

 

Cozumel

 

 

I came back to the States with a new appreciation of life and the joy it can bring. The joy of being away from day to day stress and routines. 

The life I can share with my son outside of the US. The things to come for us, the sights we will see. There is much more to life besides, work, relationships and drama.. I promise you. Day to day we stress over things that don't matter or wont matter in the near future. Let it go! Like really, let it go!

Live freely and unapologetically.. I know I am.. & you'll feel freer than you ever have. 

 

Love & Light.

-B